After the moment comes the Joy!!!

After my son was born and moments later returned to Heaven I went through many feelings and emotions.

Devastation

Anger

Hurt

Numbness

Heartbreak

Calm

Joy

Blessed

Peace

These emotions went back and forth but luckily the last four have stayed with me through the years. When I realized that we could not stop him from coming and I prayed that Thy will be done I realized I then could not hold on to those feeling that brought my spirit pain.

It was his will not mine and that is what I asked for.

I have many times had people say "oh how devastating how do you get over that?" knowing the Plan, Knowing that my son only needed two things and I was the one blessed to give it to him.

He needed a body,though as tiny as it was 14.8 oz and 11 inches long it was all he needed to be. He needed an Eternal Family, as crazy and as imperfect as we are.

When I do have my time of sadness or thinking, "What would he be like? What things would he like? Who would he look like?" I come out knowing that I will know soon. I will hold him and kiss him and tell him I love him. And while my heart aches sometimes from sadness, most of the time it is bursting with Joy knowing that I provided a perfect,faithful spirit the opportunity to live with his Father In Heaven and one day his family.

I am in awe of the love I received from my friends and blogging friends. I wanted to let you know that while I have the moments of sadness, that in the end the Joy bursts through!!!!